The moment love comes in your life is wonderful, and it is often spontaneous. Was it a romantic or bold act, or maybe you discovered a person from a new prospect… the fact is you fell in love and you got together. Now you may think that if it started spontaneously, by magic, it should logically keep going like this because love is not an exact science, and the more you try to understand it, the more it spoils the romance of the whole thing. I would rather propose you to see love like a natural ressource, like an ocean: it wasn’t you who created it but you should take care of it, because it may turn into a natural disaster otherwise.
I believe that these three criteria are the most important ones to keep harmony in the relationship:
Empathy. You partner is telling you something you consider like a complete nonsense but they look so serious about it. Moreover, you had a hard day and you are tired. Why should you talk about it right now, and why should you even talk about it?! Sometimes it happens that partners seem to speak different languages: you are tired and they just don’t want to understand that you are not in a mood to discuss this. You, from your side, don’t realize how important it may be for you partner to talk about it, and you may think they are just mocking at you this way. It happens when partners lack a very important quality – the empathy. It is what you should use to find a compromise. No matter how tired you are, you should tell to your partner that you do care and try to reassure them. It may already be enough. If it is not, try to explain, calmly, that you do care but you are exhausted at the moment but you’d be glad to discuss it at a more appropriate time.
Respect. There are quarrels in every couple, even in the strongest ones. This is normal, because two people brought up in different families have the right to look differently at certain aspects of life. The absence of conflicts doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is perfect. Two partners in a healthy relationship are like watchwork wheels, they are constantly turning together and sometimes they affect each other, making micro changes in each other that allows them to work properly. The main thing is that even during the quarrel you keep respecting each other and don’t stoop to insults. When the quarrel is over, everything will be good again, but if you didn’t respect your partner, it will be hard to forget, and may become a reason for the next conflict.
Honesty. You should be frank and open with your partner. It is ideal if they are your friends, first of all and if you can share all your thoughts and fears with them. If you keep a problem for yourself, it tends to seem bigger than it really is. Even if you discuss a topic with your friends and it makes you feel better, your partner is still unaware of it, so the problem of your relationship stays undiscussed. As a consequence, it is you who starts to love a little bit less, as if it was a punishment for your reticence and for your fear of opening up to your partner. Normally there shouldn’t be secrets from each other.
It is marvelous that the first stages of the relationship are guided by a big feeling and natural impulse. But it is even better when you can take it into your hands. After all, if love is like the ocean, you will get much more advantage of it if you are a skilful surfer 😉